From magical thinking to reality testing: How denial operates in our lives
Denial is often referred to as a primitive or archaic defence because it originates in early life, at a preverbal and prelogical stage of development. It is a non-reflective process that distorts reality — essentially a “not knowing” of what one does know. It has an omnipotent, magical quality that is reminiscent of the magical thinking characteristic of early childhood. As we grow, lower-order defences like denial give way to more advanced mechanisms, as our ability to test reality matures. Still, traces of denial remain visible in moments of acute distress. For instance, our first reaction to a catastrophe or the news of a death may be, “Oh, no!” — a fleeting belief that if we don’t acknowledge it, it isn’t happening.
The Aim of Therapy and the Role of Defence Mechanisms
One important aim of therapy is to help us bear our existence — to be able to tolerate ourselves and life itself. Defence mechanisms have a similar purpose and begin unconsciously as healthy and creative adaptations. We use defences in an effort to avoid or manage traumatic or destabilising emotional experiences, such as anxiety, grief, envy, or shame; as well as to maintain our self-esteem (i.e., a strong, consistent, positively valued sense of self).
What is denied is not the objective existence of an experience, but the unwelcome idea or meaning associated with it. For instance, we might downplay a social embarrassment to preserve feelings of confidence, or tell ourselves a situation is better than it really is to remain hopeful. In bereavement, denying the reality of loss can support adjustment; we may half-expect a loved one to return home, even while knowing they cannot. Recognising our mortality and the inevitability of death does not prevent us from largely living in denial of it, as we systematically and persistently avoid thoughts about our vulnerability to death in order to actively engage with life. The denial of death anxiety may also allow heroic lifesaving acts in frighteningly dangerous conditions, such as during crises, emergencies or war.
When Denial Becomes Problematic
While denial can serve as an adaptive mechanism, reliance upon denial or at the cost of overall functioning can lead to significant problems. At a psychotic level, reality or some aspect of it, is not just ignored, but rather is refused and possibly with an attempt to replace it. Problematic examples of denial include: Neglecting one’s health by avoiding doctor visits or ignoring warning signs and symptoms. Engaging in high-risk sexual behaviour, substance use or thrill-seeking despite dangers. Disregarding the harm of abusive relationships, including overlooking evidence of child mistreatment. Claiming to be unaffected by the painful impacts of a traumatic experience. Not wanting to know about loss by maintaining a more favourable view of the past or a relationship. Dismissing human needs and vulnerabilities, such as overvaluing self-sufficiency. Failing to recognise personal limits, whether through burnout or the realities of aging by continuing to live independently or drive despite safety concerns.
Denial and Seeking Support
Denial involves varying degrees of selective distortion of reality. To some extent, we all use denial when life’s realities feel too overwhelming to confront, yet impossible to ignore. However, when denial hinders our ability to see ourselves truthfully, engage with life’s realities, or seek support and maintain meaningful connections with others, it may be a sign that professional help is needed. If this resonates with you or someone you care about, consider reaching out. Starting a therapeutic conversation with one of our insightful psychologists can be life changing.
November 2024